Regrets.
Sari curled up against Hank's chest and sighed in utter contentment. She half-closed her eyes and traced random designs through the black ARMY letters printed on his t-shirt. The Georgian almost-summer air was warm, and her nose tickled from the fragrant scent of the many roses that surrounded the old porch. Sarah McLachlan's sweet soprano floated through the front door, and Hank chuckled as he took another swig from his glass of homemade lemonade.
"Looking forward to a summer full of this, honeysuckle?" He drawled, using his pet name for her.
She smiled and propped her chin up on his sternum to look into his large baby blues. "I am."
The lie slid easily through her teeth, as it had so many times before. Tomorrow was graduation. Tomorrow she'd leave this life...leave Georgia. Leave her family and friends. Leave Hank. None of them knew, and she wanted it to stay that way. It was less...messy.
She leaned back into his shoulder and let her long, brown curls spread across his neck. "And are you ready to go listen to some old grizzly general yell at you morning, noon, and night?" She giggled and poked him in the side.
He took her hands and pulled her roughly on top of him, his eyes holding a glimmer of mischief. "I've been ready to be in the Army since I was 5, 'Ri. You know that. I want to do this...need to do this." He reached into his back pocket and with a quick, fluid motion, slid a slim, golden ring with an eye-popping diamond in it onto her finger. "But you know where my real loyalty lies."
Speechless for one of the first times in her life, her heart hammering in her throat, Sari stared at the ring in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Her eyes then flickered to Hank's, who looked back at her with calm, patient expectation. Thoughts flew through her head at lightning speed. Why did he have to make it so hard? Do I dare leave this now? Do I deny my heart of love to give it something else it wants so badly? Do I say yes? How do I say no?
He smiled, amused with her unusual silence, and the dimples that had long ago melted her heart guided her actions once again. She leaned forward and touched her forehead to his. "Yes," she whispered, and then kissed him full on the mouth. With an untypical squeal beneath their lips, he encircled her in his arms and jumped up...spinning her around, and around. She had never felt more free. Or more guilty.
After graduation, her departure had gone as planned. She'd left no note for Hank. Just the ring on the nightstand by her bed. Her parents had finally found her after 6 months at SUNY Cortland. Hank had gone through Basic Training and had been deployed to Iraq. The news hit her like a ton of bricks.
Realizing the mistake her noncommunication might have been, she sat down that night and wrote him a 10-page apology letter. She poured herself into it...and she felt renewed when she addressed it and stuck the stamps onto its proper corner. She was walking to the post office the next morning when her cell phone rang. It was her Mother. She chuckled. Already trying to run my life, she thought.
"Good morning, Motherdear."
Silence.
"Mom?"
"Sari..."
Something was wrong. Her Mother's first comment should have been a question, like how long it had been since her last manicure...or if she'd cut her hair.
"Mom...what is it?"
Only sobbing.
"MOM."
Through broken, half-completed sentences, her Mother finally got the message through. "Hank...is gone...was killed...in action..."
She looked at the letter in her hand. Her shaking, unresponsive fingers dropped the phone. It shattered against the hard concrete. She crumpled to the sidewalk, completely numb...It was late afternoon before her roommate, Melinda, finally found her. In an almost catatonic state, she let herself be taken back to the dorm. The tears began falling around midnight, and Melinda rocked her until she finally fell asleep.
The rest of that quarter remains a complete blur for Sari. But to this day, she refuses to make the same mistake twice. When she falls in love again, IF she falls in love, he'll know everything about her life. And he'll be the only one she will never lie to.
"Looking forward to a summer full of this, honeysuckle?" He drawled, using his pet name for her.
She smiled and propped her chin up on his sternum to look into his large baby blues. "I am."
The lie slid easily through her teeth, as it had so many times before. Tomorrow was graduation. Tomorrow she'd leave this life...leave Georgia. Leave her family and friends. Leave Hank. None of them knew, and she wanted it to stay that way. It was less...messy.
She leaned back into his shoulder and let her long, brown curls spread across his neck. "And are you ready to go listen to some old grizzly general yell at you morning, noon, and night?" She giggled and poked him in the side.
He took her hands and pulled her roughly on top of him, his eyes holding a glimmer of mischief. "I've been ready to be in the Army since I was 5, 'Ri. You know that. I want to do this...need to do this." He reached into his back pocket and with a quick, fluid motion, slid a slim, golden ring with an eye-popping diamond in it onto her finger. "But you know where my real loyalty lies."
Speechless for one of the first times in her life, her heart hammering in her throat, Sari stared at the ring in silence for what seemed like an eternity. Her eyes then flickered to Hank's, who looked back at her with calm, patient expectation. Thoughts flew through her head at lightning speed. Why did he have to make it so hard? Do I dare leave this now? Do I deny my heart of love to give it something else it wants so badly? Do I say yes? How do I say no?
He smiled, amused with her unusual silence, and the dimples that had long ago melted her heart guided her actions once again. She leaned forward and touched her forehead to his. "Yes," she whispered, and then kissed him full on the mouth. With an untypical squeal beneath their lips, he encircled her in his arms and jumped up...spinning her around, and around. She had never felt more free. Or more guilty.
After graduation, her departure had gone as planned. She'd left no note for Hank. Just the ring on the nightstand by her bed. Her parents had finally found her after 6 months at SUNY Cortland. Hank had gone through Basic Training and had been deployed to Iraq. The news hit her like a ton of bricks.
Realizing the mistake her noncommunication might have been, she sat down that night and wrote him a 10-page apology letter. She poured herself into it...and she felt renewed when she addressed it and stuck the stamps onto its proper corner. She was walking to the post office the next morning when her cell phone rang. It was her Mother. She chuckled. Already trying to run my life, she thought.
"Good morning, Motherdear."
Silence.
"Mom?"
"Sari..."
Something was wrong. Her Mother's first comment should have been a question, like how long it had been since her last manicure...or if she'd cut her hair.
"Mom...what is it?"
Only sobbing.
"MOM."
Through broken, half-completed sentences, her Mother finally got the message through. "Hank...is gone...was killed...in action..."
She looked at the letter in her hand. Her shaking, unresponsive fingers dropped the phone. It shattered against the hard concrete. She crumpled to the sidewalk, completely numb...It was late afternoon before her roommate, Melinda, finally found her. In an almost catatonic state, she let herself be taken back to the dorm. The tears began falling around midnight, and Melinda rocked her until she finally fell asleep.
The rest of that quarter remains a complete blur for Sari. But to this day, she refuses to make the same mistake twice. When she falls in love again, IF she falls in love, he'll know everything about her life. And he'll be the only one she will never lie to.
posted by Sari Mitchell at 11:36 AM
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