No rest in sight.

Dearest Diary,

Sometimes I honestly wonder why I decided to become an ICC agent. I have almost no time to myself. No spare moments to take a leisurely jaunt to Macy's. No extra minutes to run over to the local spa and let them luxuriate me with haircuts, manicures, pedicures, and massages. No relaxing dinner hour to grab Sam and head to the local sushi bar.

Instead, I order my clothing on-line. I buy home manicure/pedicure kits to make sure my nails remain in top condition. I snip my split ends on my own, with the aid of several excellent step-by-step websites. I nibble at the food my men bring around, and I sigh at the absence of high class waiters. I haven't found the substitute for Jean-Luc, my masseus in Atlanta. Perhaps it's time I taught those men how to unknot my muscles. Think they'd fight over who got to knead me first?

I am no longer the typical Southern belle, heart of my hearts. By typical, I speak of Scarlett O'Hara. Of COURSE I've seen "Gone With the Wind," dear diary. All of us Southern gals have. We strive to emulate the image of the dark-haired, petite beauty. Strong, witty, and beautiful...even in the face of starvation and war. Now, granted, she had a few less than admirable traits. Her tongue needed a good smacking, she pined after a married man, and she refused to admit her feelings for a man she knew she loved from the moment she saw him. I'm nothing like her in that respect.

Or am I?

Oh, keeper of my secret thoughts...I am like her. The words that flow out of my mouth, though schooled, disciplined, and cultured can sometimes be as cruel as Scarlett's. And though I've never pined after a married man, I honestly wouldn't put it past myself; though not in my current state of infatuation to one Agent Miyagi, whom I didn't acknowledge having feelings for until those feelings almost crushed my heart with their intensity.

I'm passionate, stubborn, fiery...I'm selfish. I want things and I'm not afraid to go to dire means to get them, including lying and using that ability to lie to my advantage. But just like Scarlett, I care about people. I have a Southern heart, and I stick to my promises.

All of these traits make me Sari. And even if the ICC takes me away from the luxuries that I'm used to, it will never change who I am...or who I aim to become.

I won't let it.